It's Not Easy
by JaeJae
Summary: The Potter death from Sirius' point of view. Very sad/dark, but I don't know if it's tear-jerking or not. You decide. Read and review!
1. Default Chapter

It's Not Easy  
  
  
  
Sirius sat in the midst of all the rubble. What was left of the Potter house. Burnt furniture and charred black wood was all that he could see. A few walls still standing, with their broken and shattered, the way Sirius felt. Blood was spattered over everything, everywhere Sirius' eyes would travel.  
  
The limp bodies of James and Lily lay sprawled all over the floor. Blood had pooled beneath them.  
  
Sirius rushed over to them, falling on shards of glass and splintered wood. His breath came in ragged pants and his face was a bedraggled mess. His hair stuck to the sweat and tears that stretched across his face like dew on the morning grass. His clothes were covered in dirt. A light rain began to fall.  
  
A choked sob emitted from his throat as he plopped to the floor beside the limp figures. His pants began to soak up the blood. The tears began again.  
  
James' glasses had smashed, probably as he had fallen. His wand was clutched in a death grip, his knuckles white. His white shirt was a revolting red now, slashed open and his blood wetted the floor.  
  
Lily looked beautiful, even in death. Violet robes cascaded down her body, and her red hair mingled in with the blood that followed the robe's path. Her arms were hugging a tight bundle in them. He paused for a moment and saw a crying baby, covered in her blood and his own. A lightning shaped wound was causing the child's pain.  
  
Sirius' eyes filled with tears at the sight of the child, the sight of Harry. He looked like James. A painful memory flashed in his mind.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"And the Gryffindor Keeper, James Potter, has covered every goal the Slytherins have tried to put in!" a very excited voice exclaimed. Lily, red hair blowing in the wind and clothed in red Gryffindor robes stood, eyes eagerly watching every move, mouth translating what her eyes said. When they scored, she would scream. Into the microphone. And cause everyone to become deaf.  
  
"Seeker Lupin has just caught sight of the Snitch, Slytherin Seeker Whilt is marking him. OH! He pulls a fake nosedive and pulls up to go after the Snitch. It's gone!" she, like everyone else in Gryffindor, groaned. "A Bludger has made it past Beater Black, and – Oh my goodness! Keeper Potter has just been hit by the Bludger in the nose and is dripping blood. Ooh that's nasty! This match may be postponed because of this."  
  
Sirius aided James to the Hospital Wing. He was covered in blood, and his glasses were smashed. His shirt was red and the golden lion was now a reddish-orange lion.  
  
"You okay, buddy?" Sirius asked.  
  
"Yep, just great," James nodded. Blood dripped from his chin to the floor. "Perfectly fine."  
  
"Okay."  
  
~*~*~  
  
Sirius knew he'd never be able to play Quidditch again. The thought of it made him cringe, and in desperate need for someone to comfort him, he found himself clutching Harry to him. Harry's cries stopped for a split second, but began again.  
  
  
  
1 I can't stand to fly  
  
I'm not that naïve  
  
I'm just out to find  
  
The better part of me  
  
  
  
"Sirius!" came a hoarse voice. "Sirius Black!" Sirius turned and saw Hagrid coming down. The big, surly man had his beard tangled in itself, and his breath was short of gasps.  
  
"Hag...Hagrid…" Sirius choked. His eyes searched Hagrid longingly for comfort. The next thing he knew, Hagrid had him in a grip that was enough to break his back. "Hagrid…I was too late…I, I, I could've saved them…But I was too late! Too late! How the hell could I have been too late???"  
  
Near the point of hysterics, Sirius' mind forced him into another painful memory.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"James?" a boy sat on a log, feet in the dirty water of a frog- infested pond. He looked towards the other boy, who sat staring at the frogs through huge glasses. "Will…Will we be friends?"  
  
James pushed up his glasses. "Of course we will be! We are!" his glasses slid to his nose and he fixed them again. "Why?"  
  
Sirius grinned. "Nothing, just making sure. Like, friends forever?" James nodded like he understood.  
  
"Friends forever? Okay? And you can't die without saying the password okay?" James prodded.  
  
"What's the password?" Sirius asked curiously. "I don't know it."  
  
"Our password," James sighed, "is Quidditch." Sirius nodded eagerly. "So if you're going to die, you have to say the password first, or you can't die."  
  
"Alright!" Sirius agreed.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"He…he didn't say the password." Sirius felt like an idiot as soon as the words escaped his mouth, but he didn't care. His anger directed towards James all of a sudden. His sobbing continued.  
  
Hagrid comforted him. But to no avail. The big man himself was sobbing blood practically. Sirius realized that Harry had stopped crying. "Harry…" he whispered.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"What would you name him?" Sirius asked, hovering over the pregnant Lily, and the eager James. "If it's a boy, I mean?"  
  
"Um…I guess Harold…What about you James? What do you think?" Lily wondered to James. "Harold's nice isn't it?"  
  
"And you can also name him, if it's a boy that is, James Jr!" James said delightedly. "That would be nice…"  
  
"And girl? If it's a girl??" Sirius continued.  
  
"Something that rhymes with Harold or Harry…" Lily thought. "Terri? Mary? I don't know…"  
  
"Lily Jr." James put in. "That has a nice ring."  
  
~*~*~  
  
"Sirius, I need 'arry fer Dumbledore now." Hagrid coughed a bit and tried to pry the child from Sirius. "Sirius."  
  
"No." Sirius refused.  
  
"Sirius I have to, Dumbledore's order. Now give 'im over." Hagrid tried to sound gentle.  
  
"No, I'm taking him to live with me." Sirius argued. His tear- streaked face looked tired and worn, but he clung tight to the baby. Hagrid tried to take it from him.  
  
"No!" he cried, pulling away. "I'm taking him!" he got up and ran towards his motorcycle. Hagrid stopped him though, and yanked Harry away from him. Sirius cried out.  
  
"I'm taking him." Hagrid said.  
  
"Fine…Fine…" Sirius sounded resigned. "Take the motor cycle. Faster." His tears began again. He watched solemnly as Hagrid rode off with Harry in tow.  
  
And then he remembered something he had seen. A skinny man…bald, in…BLACK ROBES??? A piece of wood in one hand? Pet…Peter?  
  
He got up, brushed his tears away. If he was going to die fighting, he would. Pain and memories were all that coursed through his blood. "Pettigrew…you are a dead man."  
  
*END*  
  
  
  
A/N: OH MY GOSH! MY FIRST EVER ENDED FIC! *Applauds insanely*. I would write a sequel if you my loyal fans…(someone whispers to the author) WHAT??? FAN??? It surely must be fanS. I have more than one. Okay then, whatever. Thanks for reading and as I was saying, I would write a sequel if YOU would so kindly review. Tell me if it's good! Boo-boo!  
  
Actually…there will be a sequel. I DO need to finish the song right? See ya at the sequel! (Two months time at least…) 


	2. It's Not Easy

It's Not Easy  
  
And then he remembered something he had seen. A skinny man.bald, in.BLACK ROBES??? A piece of wood in one hand? Pet.Peter? He got up, brushed his tears away. If he was going to die fighting, he would. Pain and memories were all that coursed through his blood. "Pettigrew.you are a dead man."  
  
Sirius wiped his blood spattered hands on the equally blood covered clothes. He stood with hot rage filling him. He took out his wand and cleaned himself up a bit. Then he took off in the direction he had seen Pettigrew rushing away in.  
  
"Pettigrew! I'll screw your bloody head off!" he shouted, to no one in particular.  
  
I'm more than a bird  
  
I'm more than a plane I'm more than some pretty face beside a train  
  
And it's not easy to be me  
  
Amazingly, he found himself in Muggle area. He scanned the place thoroughly. Neglected shops were situated in every direction. Mud and puddles scattered the uneven gravel. But by far the worst part was that Muggles walked up and down the street, into the shops, out of them and by each other. He continued to analyze all this when, with a cry of anger, he spotted Peter.  
  
Peter's face was pale, his breath coming in pants. He drew his robes around him. He met Sirius' stony glare with one of shock. "Why Sirius.glad you joined me." He shifted his hands into the sleeves of his robes.  
  
Angrily, Sirius started towards him. "Pettigrew, you are dead." He muttered under his breath.  
  
Peter stumbled away and fell. Sirius continued to walk towards him, the look of hate burning in his eyes.  
  
And then Peter smirked. From his sleeve he began to draw his wand. Sirius stopped in mid-step.  
  
"Why Sirius? Why did you kill them?" he asked in a whisper. The wand continued out of the ragged sleeve.  
  
"Why did I kill them?" Sirius demanded. "You, you are the monster that killed them!"  
  
Wish that I could cry  
  
Fall upon my knees  
  
A tear rolled down his cheek, and he angrily wiped it away. That Peter could destroy such a happy life.a child would be left without a home, or any memories whatsoever.  
  
Find a way to lie  
  
About a home I'll never see  
  
"Just die." He whispered. Peter's grin broadened.  
  
"Me? Die? No, Sirius, YOU will be the one. You will be the one suffering!" the wand finally came out. Peter's eyes shone with malevolence.  
  
"Why Sirius?! Why did you kill them!?" his shout broke the second of silence that had hung in the air. Sirius took a step back and drew his own wand.  
  
It may sound absurd  
  
But don't be naïve  
  
Even heroes have the right to bleed  
  
A blast of white light erupted from Peter's wand. Sirius conjured up a barrier, but it was blown away by the impact of the spell Peter had made. He was thrown back into a wall, his head smashing painfully against it.  
  
I may be disturbed  
  
But won't you concede Even heroes have the right dream  
  
It's not easy to be me  
  
"Pettigrew." his eyesight blurred, a red colour in his view. Where Peter had stood, there was nothing. Smoke and dust billowed in the air. The screaming people surrounding him were unheard to him. A couple of bloody bodies lay around him. One was missing an arm; another had a gory, blood- spattered face, his eye was missing and his mouth was open, blood pouring out of it in a mini-torrent.  
  
He felt a wave of nausea wash over him. His tears came again to his eyes. The pain overwhelmed him and he felt sick to the stomach. More than anything, he wished he could just die. People were staring at him, some of them whispering incoherent words.  
  
He tried to get up, but found that he couldn't. When he moved, the people around him screamed. A panic arose.  
  
Up up and away  
  
Away from me It's all right You can all sleep sound tonight I'm not crazy.  
  
Or anything  
  
"I've failed you.James.Lily.Harry.I'm sorry." He fell into a troubled unconsciousness.  
  
I can't stand to fly  
  
I'm not that naive  
  
Men weren't meant to ride  
  
With clouds between their knees  
  
When he awoke, a horrible feeling of sadness washed over him. "Pettigrew!" he cried in a hoarse voice. He felt something push him down. His eyesight became lucid and he saw a man beside him.  
  
I'm more than a man in a funny red sheet  
  
Digging for kryptonite on this one-way street More than a man in a funny red sheet  
  
Looking for special things inside of me  
  
"Where am I?" he demanded, sitting up. Pain shot through him and he was quick to lie back down on the hard cot.  
  
"Azkaban." The man in front of him said. Sirius recognized him to be the Minister. His eyes looked a piercing black in the darkness. "For the murder of thirteen Muggles, Peter Pettigrew and for betraying the Potter family to the Dark One."  
  
"What?" Sirius asked in a bewildered tone. He had killed someone? Since when? How?  
  
"For your crime, we the Ministry of Magic sentence you to a life-time sentence in Azkaban." He got up and made his way to the cell doorway. He called a guard of two Dementors to stand in front of the door.  
  
"What? What have I done? Where is Pettigrew? Where did that lying *censor* (there ARE little kids you know.) who killed-"  
  
The Minister turned. "Enough! You've killed him already!" "No I haven't! He killed James! And Lily! He betrayed them to You- Know-Who!" Sirius fell to his knees, hands wrapped around the bars. He hadn't realized he had even crossed to the bars.  
  
The Minister snapped and then walked out. The Dementors turned to him and touched him, each placing a scaly hand on his hands. He felt an excruciating feeling of weakness, sadness and despair. He crumpled in a heap on the floor.  
  
"James.Lily.I tried my best. Harry.sorry."  
  
It's not easy to be me  
  
*END*  
  
A/N: So good! So good! Yah hope you guys liked it! R/R! 


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